You can call it kpangolo music, jollof music, disposable, microwave, or timkpa music. We all know what you’re referring to. The type of songs that are released, promoted, and killed in about 6 months. If there’s a really good one the lifespan might get to 9 months, but that’s about as far it’ll last. Literally in 18 months the song will cease to exist anywhere in the whole planet. However, say what you want, there’s a market for it. If not it wont keep selling. DJs need to play music at clubs, weddings, etc. Radio has to be playing something every time, and people need music to ginger to, and not worry about the longevity and/or the sense of it. Yep! We like it like that!
So in this post, we’ll be taking you through our guide to making the classic Nigerian Kpangolo Song
Step 1 – Get a very familiar beat
Get a “generic” afrobeat sound that you know everyone has kinda heard before. Don’t try to get too fancy though, if not you’ll be getting too creative. No sampling, no added instruments… Just keep it basic. Get a beat that sounds like almost every hot song, and it has to be upbeat with a “timkpa timkpa” ring to it, if not what’s the point yea?
Step 2 – Coin A Random Word or Phrase
Preferably something that has to do with food. Food, and enjoyment brings joy to many Nigerians so it’s always best to stick in that space. Sugar popato, honey banana, peppersoup spice, loving plantain, pepper snail. These are just a few examples. Remember this is the phrase or word that’ll be repeated all through the song so you want something that sticks. You can also try random gibberish like Kpati Kpati, or Nyama Nyama, or even Hafipami (which means absolutely nothing).
Step 3 – Write Basic Lyrics On Napkin
If you break out a notebook you might be tempted to write too much sense. To make the best kpangolo music you must say less of anything that makes actual sense. You always want to say things that relate to a woman you like, money you have, whining your waist and/or thanking Baba God for money. Anything else, and you’re going too deep. It’s always best to repeat one line 4 times. You know, for those that didn’t hear the first 2 times.
Step 4 – Spice It Up With Gibberish
Just like no soup is sweet without maggi and salt, you have to spice up your song with random gibberish and ramblings that don’t mean a damn thing. Lelele, kpokodiko, iyeyeye, dukpa dukpa du, oh nanana. Now your song is ready.
Step 5 – Pull A Stunt On Social Media
Your song is ready. Now you need to create a buzz before releasing it. Now is the time to attack a more popular celebrity than you for one sin they committed 3 years ago. WizKid, Davido are easy targets these days so try that. If that doesn’t work, or you’re scared, you can always fake kill yourself. The most important thing is that you have to apologise 24 hrs later. Even if you said God doesn’t exist, make sure you apologize, or say you were hacked.
Step 6 – Start A Dance and Insta-promote
Hey! Now you have your kpangolo song. You have your PR stunt. What you need now is a strange dance, and an instagram competition to go along with it. Urge people to record their dances, and post on IG. Promise to give $100000 to the winner, or a feature in the video, and then regram every single entry. Don’t worry… fans wont get sick of seeing it. And if you don’t have the money? Who cares? So there you have it. Your perfect kpangolo song is ready to hit the waves. Goodluck, and refer to this guide again next year.